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What the Stoics Knew About Difficult People

GK·Jul 14, 2026·~1 minute read

TL;DR

Marcus Aurelius prepared each morning to meet fools, liars, and the ungrateful — not out of cynicism, but so nothing could surprise him into a bad reaction. Most of our anger lives in the gap between expecting people to behave well and being upset when they don't.

Why did Marcus Aurelius expect to meet fools before breakfast?

Marcus Aurelius wrote his private notes expecting to run into fools, liars, and the ungrateful before breakfast. He wasn't being cynical — he was preparing, so none of it could surprise him into a bad reaction.

We do the opposite. We expect people to behave well, then feel personally wronged when they don't. That gap between expectation and reality is where most of our anger lives.

You are not in charge of what people do. You are only in charge of what you do next.

Does this mean the Stoics didn't care about people?

The Stoics weren't cold to people. They were just unwilling to let someone else's bad day decide theirs. That's not indifference — it's the difference between reacting and choosing.

The people who seem unbothered by difficult colleagues, difficult family, difficult strangers, usually aren't lucky. They just stopped being surprised a long time ago.

Key Takeaways

The Stoics expected difficulty so it couldn't surprise them
Anger often lives in the gap between expectation and reality
You control your response, not other people's behaviour
Preparing for friction costs less than being blindsided by it

Try this in the next 24 hours

Before you meet anyone difficult today, spend thirty seconds expecting them to be difficult. Watch how much less it costs you.

Whose behaviour are you still, quietly, expecting to be different?

#Stoicism #Difficult People #Emotional Regulation

Written by GK

Reflective writing on discipline, psychology, and leadership. Read more →

Frequently Asked Questions

Does expecting the worst from people make you cynical?

Not if you hold it lightly. The Stoics weren't cold to people — they simply refused to let someone else's bad day decide theirs. It's preparation, not pessimism.

What did Marcus Aurelius actually do about difficult people?

He wrote himself a private reminder each morning, in what became Meditations, to expect to encounter difficult people that day — so their behaviour would register as anticipated, not personal.

How is this different from just tolerating bad behaviour?

It's not about tolerating anything — you can still set boundaries or walk away. It's about not handing someone else's behaviour the power to decide your emotional state first.